Still crying, lovely

I seriously cannot stop crying. Writing it all out seems to help a little, so here we go again... (feel free to not read this one, or if you choose to, please don't comment-no offense of course)




 I feel bad I am so upset about this... Now I am to the point I feel bad for wanting to try and see my dad. Generally, I never am excited to see him. For the past few years, if I see him cool, if I don't that's fine. But lately, and partially I think due to my move to college, I have missed him more and more. While my trust in him is gone, I was actually fairly excited to see him this next week. He had even called me and we had an hour long conversation, something that happens few and far between. I feel like this is just another thing that is supposed to make me mad at him. That by this situation, I am just more upset my parents have to be divorced. If they weren't I wouldn't of had to send the stupid email in the first place. I honestly cannot believe I have been crying for an hour, I feel terrible about it, and probably won't eat for at least a day, which is horrible to say but all too true. I just really cannot understand how I could be judged so quickly, after coming to class and participating all the time, that I would automatically be categorized as skipping. At this point, I am not sure if I will get to my dad's or not because my math professor won't email me back till tomorrow. This is just another thing that I wouldn't have had to deal with if my life what even remotely normal. I am mad now. Mad at my dad, mad at my teacher, mad at myself for sending the emails in the first place. I should have just told him I couldn't see him like all the other times... Not seeing him makes everything hurt less anyway. I don't know why I try to make myself happy sometimes, when all it does it upset everyone else. I really want to go home now. More than ever before. I am mad that I can't focus now, and that I probably won't get anything accomplished until tomorrow when/if she responds. I am dreading my math class, and the snide comments I'm sure my teacher will make about people skipping class. I am mad I am complaining so much. I am mad life isn't easier. I am mad I am letting this get to me so much. I am mad...