Relaxation

I am enjoying break so much, I think someone will have to come drag me away from home to get me back to Wartburg. I haven't really been doing that much since I have been home, just sleeping  and watching movies, since I've been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday because my mom was worried I had mono, especially since my best friend at school has it, but thankfully the results came back negative. I am supposed to be retested next week if I still don't feel well though. I am finally feeling a little better today, and I actually got around to doing some of my homework. I have been spending some time with Brett too, which is always fun. We had one of our first serious talks though, since I have been at college, where we discussed some boundaries between us (seeing as he was feeling bad that I have been hanging out with guys, and decided not to tell me until just this week that it was bothering him) So from now on, he is going to work on telling me things, while I am going to work on making him tell me what's wrong when I think something is. Hopefully things will get better, but I am worried that me being so far away is taking to large of a toll on him. I don't know what I am going to do, because I would rather have him be happy, even if that means I don't get to be with him. However, I am hoping these new adjustments will help. I feel bad for my best friend at school, Kelly, though because her boyfriend broke up with her over break AND she figured out she had mono. I am planning on being a really good friend this week, and think I am going to bring her cookies or something. Hopefully things will get better for the both of us!

Sick

I am so happy my biology midterm is done! I feel a little unsure as to how I did, but at this point I do not care. This is partially because I don't feel well. I tend to get sick when I am really excited or nervous for something to happen. It never seems to fail. I have been sick for multiple dance recitals, vacations, tests, campouts, etc. I think it is just that I get my body to work up. So last night while I was trying to study I had a fever of 101 and a super bad headache, which in turn prohibited me from studying as much as I would have liked. I am feeling a little better today, but am still not one hundered percent. I thought about not going to my math class today, and leaving for home early so that I could sleep and perhaps get a doctors appointment but the good student in me is making me go to math. I am so excited to be going home though. I am a little anxious to see Brett because it feels like I haven't seen him forever and these past two weeks were hard because we were both so busy. I felt bad because I barely got to talk to him, or we were busy at opposite times. I had a fun weekend though, and am happy I have actually made some really good friends. It is funny because I actually hung out with Kevin and Tyler (and some other people) two nights in a row this weekend.



It's an IS reunion!

I really feel like I am starting to make some great connections with people and am putting myself out there a little more, but in return it is harder and harder to make time for Brett. I think it may just be because he has had so much football lately though, with their play off games and all. I suppose I will just have to wait it out and seem, but for now YAY BREAK!

Fall Break

I am so excited for fall break! Only three more days, woohoo! This break is much needed. This week, on Wednesday, I have a huge biology test, and I am hoping that all the studying I am doing will pay off, but I still feel like I have a ton left to do and prepare for. Now if only my brain would stay focused! I have been bombarded with other things to think about it seems. For one, I think that my chemistry grade some how got messed up with someones, which wouldn't surprise me with a last name like Smith. I got an email from my academic advisor saying she received notice of my D, which is fairly impossible as I have gotten 100% on all my online homework and I got an A- on our last, and only test. So I have been stressing about that, though I talked to Dr. DeVries today and she is going to look at it for me, and assumes there is a mistake. I have also been stressed with Sonachi (I think I found out this is how you spell her name?) She came and gave me a peer editing paper, after Friday (the day everything was due) and low and behold it was not the one for the IS class. So I, of course, took the time to fill it out for her only for her to come back and hour later with the correct one that she insisted I fill out instead. She never came back and picked them up, and while it is most certainly not my responsibility to turn her papers in, in fact I am extremely tempted to leave them, my inner conscious will make me bring them to class for her. I feel bad writing all these things about her, but boy does she get on my nerves sometimes... Speaking of nerves, my roommate is getting on my last one. This weekend she got completely drunk, and when I went  to Joe's with my friends I saw her and had to pull her off of people, as she was hanging drunkenly on everyone, and  I ended up having to walk her back to our dorm. I don't see how anyone could find something like that attractive, especially the next morning when need I describe what she was doing every fifteen minutes from 6-10... It seriously ticked me off that I had to take care of her when she knows I am not a fan of drinking. To top that off, she apparently caused drama for herself and will not quit telling me the same story over and over, one to which I particularly don't care to hear. Gah... I am so whiny today. THIS is why I need break. I am so excited to go home and see my family and Brett. Three more days, three more days...

Social Change Wheel

Wednesday in class we observed the Social Change Wheel. The wheel divides the different types of "action" people can be taking within their communities. The wheel exemplifies areas such as Direct Service, dealing with "immediate needs," all the way to Grass-roots Political Activity, which "[implements] strategies for changing public policy." In class we took a poll to see the areas we students most greatly identified with. The places of highest interest were Direct Service and Socially Responsible Daily Behavior. I think that these two categories could be expected at this level of life. I know as Derek said, it is more common for "adults" to take charge when it comes to the more public activities. Seeing as many of us have just turned 18 we have not been considered adults for that long. That being said I think that we feel it is easier to make simple changes in ourselves that fit with what society wants, rather than going and taking action with a large group of people. I know that I personally voted for these two categories. I think that sometimes it is just easier to try and "fix" what is wrong with yourself, and better yourself doing daily activities, than looking beyond these things to large community based problems. I started thinking more about the other activities mentioned, and how they were not voted for, and I realized how important most of them are; yet I don't think that I would personally take part in many of them no matter what stage of life I was in. This is a bad thing. What if everyone that is currently active in them just decided to leave their responsibilities to someone else as I am doing? Then there would be no one to run the important political campaigns, service works, etc. Looking at the Social Change Wheel has helped me understand the importance of participating in the community. While it is good that I am being socially responsible I think that I could do better at having a large impact on the entire society.

Breaking Point

Alright, so I know that in my last blog I said I was going to try and be more patient with Sunachi, but today was my breaking point. She came to my room three different times, one of which being five minutes ago. The first time she asked me if I could peer review her paper and of course I said yes, but I was slightly annoyed she didn't take advantage of this time in class and was now expecting me to just do it. I really didn't have a problem though until I started reading it. As I imagined her first paragraph sounded almost identical to mine... (I am not sure if this is something I am more formally supposed to notify you of, so I figured writing about it here would be good enough). I was sort of mad though. When people take things from me, especially when I work hard for them, I am not a happy camper. In high school, a girl cheated off the science portion of my ACTS (and was then "smart" enough to talk about it to other people in my dance class) so I did turn her in. I don't like being a "taddle tail" but this is one of those things that in my book crosses the line. In my opening paragraph I started with some definitions, one of educated and one of education taken from Merriam-Webster online. So I start reading her paper and, guess what? She has the definitions of education and educated too, only from dictionary.com. Thank goodness she didn't take my actual characteristics but I still wasn't thrilled. I am still taking into account that I am sure it is hard for her to grasp the concept of English, and that after seeing my paper it was probably harder for her to develop her own opening idea (and perhaps she thought we had to start it like that). With these things taken into consideration, I was not nearly as upset as I would have been in high school. I'm sure you will notice, however, that I wrote on her paper something along the lines of, "This seems very similar to my paper, and I am only telling you this so you don't get in trouble. I think you should try to make it a little more your own :)." I felt mean at first, but I would much rather have her hand in something that won't cause her to get in trouble though (not that I want her to get in trouble at all; this is more me notifying you so that you don't think I took her idea). Hopefully I am not sounding like a huge "taddle.tail," I just don't want to be penalized either. I am going to stop complaining though. I think I need to go pray a little harder about this situation... My next blog will be on today's class topic. Until then...

Language

Lately, Sunachi (yes, I am sure I butchered this spelling-I don't feel like looking it up though), the Nigerian girl in our IS class has been coming to ask me for help frequently. I feel bad because I know that it must be hard for her being here, yet at the same time she is so hard to understand. I am not saying this to be rude, but honestly, I cannot understand half of what she is saying. It was fine the first time she came and asked for help, but lately she comes at the most inopportune times, and one time my roommate came back from the bathroom, when I was gone, and she was apparently just sitting in our room. Yesterday she asked me about our current paper, which I thought was ironic. She didn't even seem to know what the paper was over, even though we have a rubric, a paper about it, and had a day of peer revision. I tried to help explain to her, and let her look over mine a little, since reading is easier than talking. I hopefully was helpful, but am also slightly worried her paper will be similar to mine now. I am sure she is having a really hard time though. When she said that she hadn't yet received any mail from home, I felt so bad. I would feel terrible if my family wasn't sending me things. I wish that I was of more help, and that I was able to look at the situation through her eyes. I know that I am doing the right thing, by helping her, but sometimes (actually almost every time) my heart has not been in the right place. Hopefully I will be able to connect with her in some way so that I can be of better assistance to her. I am glad she feels like she can talk to me, though I'm not sure why me? Either way, I am going to pray that she gets a package soon.

Imperfection

I am finally feeling like I am getting myself a little caught up today, though I'm sure the feeling won't last. I am so ready for fall break that I can't focus on anything lately it seems; my imperfection for the week. I think that I am homesick, slightly, but I seemed to have blocked all feelings for the sake of sparing my emotions. When I was younger, I was extremely good at this. Looking back, I always wonder how I didn't explode. It seems the older I get the less and less patient, and more emotional, I become in certain situations. I think that I am also a little down because my best friend, Tricia, can no longer come up for homecoming this weekend because she too is getting behind in some classes. I am not mad at her, just sad I will virtually be spending homecoming with no one I really want to. I did make some new girl friends this week, which is positive, but all I really feel like doing is being at home with my family and Brett. If I just keep my mind set on break, however, I know the week will go by faster. I don't know how people survive college sometimes. I always thought it would be hard, but not this hard. In my opinion people shouldn't go to college until they are thirty, hah. But in all honesty, who decided that an eighteen year old was ready for this kind of stress? I don't know how much I enjoy growing up anymore. Why is it kids never realize they had it good until they are grown up? At least I know I didn't. Perhaps it is a maturity thing (look at me, implying that I'm mature, hah!). But I better quit blogging and go to work, another "adult activity" I wish I didn't have to engage in. Until next time...

Weekend

Alright, here is my weekend in picture style:

My pumpkin is Cinderella's castle!



Pictures after church.



Pumpkins

I feel so busy lately. I swear, it seems I have less and less time to do things I actually enjoy. College homework is literally taking over my life! This is the first time I have even had a chance to be on the computer, or the Internet I should say, because I have been so busy writing papers and doing other homework. I am definitely getting more stressed as midterms quickly approach. It is sad because with all this talk we have done about being intrinsically motivated you would think that I would be excited to learn, and I should be, but in reality I already want to be done with college, hah. Maybe I am just getting homesick again, who knows, but I can say that I did not particularly want to come back this weekend. I just love being at home, and while I don't feel sad being here anymore, I just feel so stressed. I am so ready for Christmas break, even though I know it is still a good two months away. I feel better though because I got my Portrait of a Learner paper done tonight so that took some stress off my shoulders. I still feel like I could always be doing something though, which is not always a fun feeling. I am starting to think this is probably what a mom feels like all the time though, always having to tend to someone else and what not. When I was younger I always told my mom I wanted five kids, hah! I think I was probably being a little unrealistic. I don't know how, being at an older age and more tired than I am now, I would ever be able to handle that many. It definitely makes me appreciate my mom more though. Now if only my homework would start doing itself then I would really have something to appreciate. This week/weekend went well though. I am tired, but I had a great time. I got to go to UNI to see my girlfriends, and finished my weekend off at home with my family and Brett carving pumpkins. I'm sure I'll post some pictures here soon. I am a huge picture fanatic.

Not Again

Alright, here it comes. The long rant about my roommate. In all honesty, I never thought that I would be writing about her. She is really nice, and I know that I should be thankful that I wasn't stuck with someone worse, but oh my goodness. Now I know that living with someone, anyone, is a new task to say the least. At first, I thought that while I figured I would get slightly annoyed I would still be able to manage living with someone new; however, I am now starting to rethink my initial assumption. My roommate, is very how you may say "spunky," and not only that she is in a way "socially awkward." I mean all of these statements in the nicest way possible, and I don't mean to be judging my roommate at all, but sometimes she is just, well, plain annoying. I feel like I am going behind her back by writing about her but I just cannot take it any more. Recently, the real problem arouse. My roommate is single, which can apparently seem like a big deal (though I don't recall feeling this way since my freshman year in high school) but perhaps this stems from the fact she has never had a boyfriend. I have had enough to know you are almost better off without one at all, while she, on the other hand, is dying to have one. Now I can understand a person being upset they are single, but here is the real kicker: she has started crying almost every single day about it. I try to always be understanding, and comforting but there is only so much one person can take. Every night, she will not be quiet about the boys she is looking at on facebook, the boys she did or didn't text, the problems she is having, how no one likes her and she will be a cat lady (and I am not even kidding, this is an actual statement from her). Then, the tears will kick in and an hour of my time will be spent trying to comfort her and telling her that she will in fact find someone some day who treats her how she should be. I am not sure what to do about this. Maybe I am just being to harsh? I know she is having a really hard time because today I walked in and she was bawling and said she hated it here, and I know how she feels because it is how I felt the second day being here, but I am not sure what to tell her? She got ditched by a group of girls last weekend, and I have been told, by another friend, that the girls ditched her because they found out after hanging out with her once how annoying she is, but how do you tell someone that their problems aren't going to be fixed unless they change and tone it down? My friend that told me this invited me in to talk to the girls who ditched her about how annoying she is, and I said no, for one, I think that is terribly rude to talk behind someones back, and two because I know how much it would hurt her to find out people were saying these things. I just need a way to help her, well, be less annoying (however the heck you do that...). I really do feel sincerely bad for her, and I am going to pray she finds a better, and nicer, friend group. I just hope that all this crying stops because it is honestly cutting into my study time, not to mention hers which she really could be using. I am done though, even if it did feel good to let that all out...

Outfly

I am still thanking God that Outfly was yesterday; what a great surprise! I was having a really stressful week and was praying that there would be a break, and as always God prevailed! It was such a nice feeling to get to sleep in after the intial bell ringing. I was a little dissapointed I had a huge biology project that I still had to work on (a solid five hours!) but at least I had time to get it done so that I didn't have to stay up to late doing it. Then last night I was able to watch some TV, something I usually never do, so that was nice. I think that my roommate feels "bad" for me because I am generally in the room, but in all honesty I like being alone. It is not that I am trying to exclude myself, I just would rather not go hang out with the other girls on my floor. It is funny that I used to be so focused on having girlfriends and being liked and after moving to college I really don't mind being the "outcast" (even though I am most certainly not even near an outcast status). Maybe I just don't want to make new friends because I don't want to replace my old ones? I'm not sure, but I enjoyed being alone and simply watching TV. On a different topic, I am so excited because Brett is coming up to see me tomorrow. I cannot wait to spend the whole day with him. He is taking me out to eat and I plan on just having a whole movie day with him. I am hoping to get most of my homework done tonight so that I don't have to worry about it this weekend while he is here. Hopefully my roommate doesn't think I'm weird, as I will probably stay in again tonight, but oh well. She seems to be getting on my nerves more and more... I think I am just going to pray about it and try to be understanding for the time being. I had better go though, I have my Chemistry lab in a little while (my only class of the day!).

One More Thing...

I can't leave without posting a few pictures. The first three are of my boyfriend, Brett, and I before he went to eat at his friend's house for Homecoming. The final picture, however, is of my best girlfriends and I at the Homecoing football game. Enjoy!

Busy

If I thought I was feeling overwhelmed before, I was wrong. This week is the most stressed I have been at college up to this point. Last week I, obviously, was missing home and having a rough time. It seemed like every little thing was getting to me, and sadly I ripped all of my nails off (You may be thinking what? But it is a horrible habit I have had since elementary school and I hadn't touched my nails upon moving to college until last week.) I was super dissappointed in myself. They may just be nails, but you can always tell my stress level by their length, which is now super short. However, things were looking up this weekend when I was able to go home and see all of my wonderful friends. I hadn't expected everyone to be so different, yet even being at the high school felt like a foreign place. I was not used to sitting, and watching the game from in the stands versus on the sideline. Alas, I had a really good time, and was super happy to sleep in my own bed. Saturday, the dreaded homecoming dance, actually turned out to be a great surprise. My boyfriend got ready and went out to eat with his friends but just as I thought he was going to the dance he came back to my house and surprised me. I am not sure if I should feel slightly selfish about my joy in him not going to the dance, but if selfish is what I am then I guess I am alright with that for now. I did not want to come back to Wartburg because as predicted I have gotten so much homework in the past day and a half. I don't always understand how teachers expect you to finish everything you need to. It would not be so bad if I didn't have two major tests this week, one of which being math. I feel like I need someone to press the pause button, but the clock remains ticking. Thank goodness for coffee and pixie sticks. I literally have been on a caffeine high, and am still so tired (which is probably why I fell climbing UP my loft ladder, and have a lovely gash to prove it). I should stop typing though because I have to study for my chemistry, study for my math, write the rest of my Animal Dreams paper, read for IS, read for biology, read for chemistry... Should I keep going or do you get the picture? So here I go...